


i can make you feel alive (i know, but do i need you to survive?)

by preludes



Category: Stargirl (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Child Neglect, Drabble, F/F, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Role Reversal, all the heroes are bad all the villains are good you know how it isss, enemies to enemies to kissing with blood underneath their nails....you know how it goes, i wrote this at 2am, sam kurtis is his own warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26740273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preludes/pseuds/preludes
Summary: Cindy Burman’s story from cheerleader to costumed crime fighter is unique amongst the superhero community and she likes it that way.Courtney Whitmore’s villain origin story is quite a cliche, really, all things considered, but she doesn’t care to comment on this.or: the role reversal au no one asked for but you're getting anyway
Relationships: Cindy Burman/Courtney Whitmore
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	i can make you feel alive (i know, but do i need you to survive?)

**Author's Note:**

> tws for courtney's section: paternal abuse, child abuse, child neglect, sam kurtis is his own warning, a reference to strangulation and murder
> 
> [here is a gifset of the dialogue from the epigraph](https://zaritarazi.tumblr.com/post/622916380668444672)
> 
> title is from coffee by jack stauber

CINDY: I think that if things were a little different, you’d be a lot more like me, actually.

COURTNEY: Or you more like me.

\-- Stargirl, Episode Five 

-:-

Cindy Burman’s story from cheerleader to costumed crime fighter is unique amongst the superhero community and she likes it that way. Her grandfather, a war hero who died tragically. His son, her father, continuing his legacy and gifting his daughter the power to protect herself in a world that he knew firsthand was unlikely to be kind to her. Her mother’s tragic death, an accidental fall down the stairs. The suit her father made especially for her being kept in his cave for years just waiting for the right moment. 

And her father has decided that the right moment is tonight. Cindy should be excited; this is all she has ever wanted, isn’t it? To fight beside her father is her duty and her purpose and she wants to save the world just as the men in her family did. She remembers the glassy look in her mother’s eyes as she lay dead on the floor; the way her blood pooled and how the stain could not be removed no matter how many times her father tried desperately to scrub at it. She never wants to see someone die again, no matter who’s at fault. 

Cindy dons her suit, ties up her hair, and allows herself to glance in the mirror her father uses. 

“I am so proud of you, Cindy,” Her father tells her with sincerity and Cindy beams at him. “You’re so tall. Soon you won’t have to look up to me anymore.” 

Cindy laughs even though it is slightly forced; she knows her father likes to lighten the mood with jokes before every battle, knows how sometimes your friends and you go into a fight and not everyone comes back, remembers the screams of Joey Garrick’s mother the day she buried both her son and her husband. No one could figure out what had done it, exactly, only that all onlookers were briefly blinded by a green light, their phones fried by an EMP blast, and when they opened their eyes Joey had been beaten to death. Cindy's father had told her to stay home that day. Cindy wonders if he knew. 

“I’ve had word from Brainwave,” Her father says, now suddenly solemn. “Stargirl’s on the move. And she’s got...friends. I won’t be joining you this time, you can handle this on your own.” 

Cindy tries to hide the look of shock on her face. She knows who Stargirl is, of course, she feels she would know Courtney Whitmore’s eyes anywhere. Courtney Whitmore just moved her and ever since chaos has followed her like the tides follow the moon. 

Cindy nods. She gets Stargirl, can pinpoint her weaknesses and hopes and dreams like red string on a map. She knows this fight will be an easy one, and that she will win. 

She cannot possibly know how wrong she is. 

-:-

Courtney Whitmore’s villain origin story is quite a cliche, really, all things considered, but she doesn’t care to comment on this. 

Courtney doesn’t care much for anything at all, really. She blames her father. She blames him for a lot of things. 

Her birth father won custody of her in the most bitter court battle anyone in the town could remember. Her childhood was spent in sleazy motels and rundown houses, and he would frequently keep her locked in a hallway closet so he could go and party. He wouldn’t come back for days. When she was eight, Courtney was left in there two and a half days, she became so hungry she kicked the door clean off of its hinges with what little strength she had left. Her father hadn’t even left much food in the house, but he left a coffee mug clear on the table that said ‘World’s Best Dad.’ Courtney had smashed it without a second thought and cleared out all the food from his kitchen. She knew her father would be furious with her but she wanted to live more than she feared his rage. 

Courtney doesn’t like to talk about her past. RIck gets this. He has similar baggage. It’s part of why they are friends, the kind of friends who commit crimes together. 

Courtney hadn’t come to Blue Valley with much more than the clothes on her back and a necklace, the only gift her father had ever given her. She had hitchhiked her way there, confident in the knowledge that no matter how hard she tried she could not seem to die, and had no fear of the strangers who picked her up. She arrives on her birth mother’s doorstep ragged and tired, with a haunted look in her eyes. Her mother immediately starts sobbing, her mother’s new husband enraged, and Courtney just wants to scream. 

She doesn’t want their pity. She wants revenge. 

Pat isn’t very good at keeping secrets, and he’s even worse at keeping secrets from his family. Courtney knows he used to be Starman’s friend, finds it almost sweet that a man who killed so many had a heart somewhere. Pat shows her the legacy of villainy at her request, and Courtney distributes the powers in secrecy just as Starman had once done. 

It doesn’t take long. 

Beth finds her biological father quickly; it only takes her an hour when Courtney has been trying ever since she got to Blue Valley and found the staff glowing underneath her bed. Starman was a villain, she knows, but she doubts he will mind her using his powers to kill more people. She won’t massacre a whole team of superheroes and die for it the way he did; she is only sixteen but she isn’t that stupid. 

But now, here she stands, at the steps of the Blue Valley town hall with her staff aimed at her father’s heart. He is crying now, begging her not to do this, but she is resolute; calm. Yolanda has a hand on her shoulder, her claws digging into Courtney’s skin and it’s grounding. Rick stands behind them, ever vigilant. Beth has turned off all security cameras; when they leave Sam Kurtis’s corpse in front of the divorce attorney’s office no one will know who did it. 

Courtney is just about to end her father’s life when Shiv shows up and screams Courtney’s name from across the makeshift battlefield. Courtney startles, her eyes wide, as she is stupid enough to believe that no one could recognise her in Starman’s sewn together costume. 

“Courtney!” Shiv cries. It sounds desperate, and Courtney would think it’s pathetic, if she weren’t so angry. Rick readies his fist and Yolanda sharpens her claws on the stone steps. If it’s a fight Shiv wants, she will get one. 

Courtney only looks away from Sam Kurtis for one second ---

And then he’s trying to strangle Shiv to death. 

Courtney doesn’t know what the fuck happened to cause such animosity between her sworn nemesis and her father but she doesn’t care as she stabs Sam Kurtis and pulls the sharpened staff up through his ribcage. Her father’s blood stains Courtney’s face and hair, and it feels almost warm. 

“You shouldn’t have locked me away, Dad.” She spits. She almost offers Shiv her hand before she remembers that they should be fighting. Shiv gets up on her own, though, and looks almost in awe of her. Courtney shrugs, pulling the staff from her father’s corpse in one swift motion. “What, do you good guys never experience catharsis?” 

“You saved me.” Shiv says. 

“More circumstantial than by choice but sure,” Courtney says, drops the staff so she can sit on it, flies closer to Cindy so Cindy can feel Courtney’s hot breath on her face. “Has anyone ever told you how hot you look when you don’t want me dead?”

Cindy pulls her off the staff and kisses her. Cindy knows this is meant to be a distraction, but she’s wanted this since the first time they teamed up in Chemistry, and so she is making the most of it. 

Courtney pulls back and blinks up at her, incredulous. “Do you always kiss your arch nemesis, or am I just special?” 

“You’re Stargirl,” Cindy reminds her. “You’ve always been special.” 

“And you’re Shiv,” Courtney counters. “Always doing your best and getting almost nothing for it. You should consider switching sides. We’d love to have you---”

But Cindy has gone before Courtney can even finish the offer. CIndy will not consider betraying her father, no matter how tempting a life on the lam with Courtney Whitmore might be. 

Maybe in another life. But even then, maybe not. 

(At the next team meeting, Brainwave reads Cindy’s mind as she is replaying the kiss and smirks at her knowingly. Across town, Courtney shivers.)

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes u set out to finish a fic and then u write this instead. anyway this fic has been in my head for ages....yeah so consider this an alternate earth maybe. i like the idea that some other universe all the heroes in stargirl are The Bad Guys (tm) and the villains are the heroes. makes u think. idk 
> 
> i hope you enjoyed reading it !! <333


End file.
